Imagine driving up to a beautifully lit, snow-kissed house for the holidays. You’re greeted at the door by a great big hug; watch younger family members play with their presents; and sing Christmas carols around the tree, sipping hot cocoa.
Sounds idyllic, doesn’t it?
While that description paints a lovely picture, it’s not always how the holidays go. Sometimes seeing family can be the biggest cause of stress. Maybe this is because you know—or think you know—how your family perceives your recovery. Or maybe it’s because of the many unknowns during the holiday season, all of which can heighten stress and anxiety:
- Who will be present?
- What activities will take place?
- How will others interact with me?
- How will I deal with my family during the holidays?
It can be overwhelming, to say the least. But there are steps you can take to reduce holiday family stress and stay strong in your recovery.
1. Make a Worry List
Never heard of a worry list? It’s simple! Divide a piece of paper into two columns. In the left column, write a list of all the things you are worried about. In the right column, write a list of all the things you are not worried about.
As you review the left side, look at each worry you listed and ask yourself, “Do I have control over this?” If the answer is no, cross it out because there is nothing that can be done with that worry. If the answer is yes, write something important next to it: the next step you can take to help reduce the worry.
You will soon find your list of worries is not as long as you had imagined. Holiday anxiety—especially holiday family stress—is real, but some of it is out of your control and better to let go. Creating the visual of a worry list lets you break your anxiety response down into smaller, more manageable pieces.
Use the right side of the page—the things you’re not worried about—for reflection as a gratitude list. Even the smallest details can be added to this side! For instance, this year I am not going to grandma’s house in a Mrs. Claus outfit; therefore, I’m not worried about my attire for the occasion! Something like that seems small, but a little reminder of something you’re not worried about helps take some of the anxiety out of seeing family over the holidays.
2. Create a Plan for Yourself
An anxiety response is a reaction you have, either physically or emotionally or both, to a situation causing anxiety. An anxiety response can look like:
- Sweaty palms
- Racing heart
- Scattered thoughts
- Confusion
- Fatigue or exhaustion
It is important to understand what causes your own anxiety response and what helps reduce it. For many people, there is less of an anxiety response when they can create a roadmap for themselves prior to a family gathering. This can allow you to prepare for what could occur during this uneasy time.
Questions to ask and answer might be:
- When will I arrive?
- How long will I visit with each person?
- Is there space for me to retreat as needed?
- Where is that space and how easy is it to access?
- Who are my supports while I’m at a family gathering?
- When do I plan to leave?
Answering these questions can help set boundaries for what you want that day to look like and what would make you comfortable. This tip is especially important during the holidays, but it works for any social function when in recovery. Have a plan, know the safe places, and set a time limit before committing. Creating a plan in recovery helps keep your goals ahead of you and maintain sobriety in the face of stress and change in your routine.
3. Have Coping Skills in Your Back Pocket
