Have you ever wondered if your partner’s drinking habits might be something more than just a casual hobby? Sometimes, what starts as a social activity can turn into a serious problem. So, what are the signs of dating an alcoholic?
If you suspect that the person you’re dating may be an alcoholic – or the more appropriate term, a person with an alcohol use disorder – it’s natural to feel a mix of emotions: concern, confusion, and even fear about the future. Alcohol use disorder (AUD) can wreak havoc on relationships, leaving loved ones feeling confused, hurt, and helpless.
This article is here to help. We’ll explore some common signs of AUD in a partner, offer coping strategies, and provide resources for you and your loved one. Remember, this isn’t about judgment or blame. It’s about understanding and finding ways to support each other through difficult times.
What Does It Mean to Be An Alcoholic?
Being an alcoholic isn’t just about drinking too much. It’s a complex condition, more appropriately known as alcohol use disorder, or AUD, that can affect a person’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. AUD is a medical condition characterized by a compulsive craving for alcohol despite its negative consequences, and it’s actually quite common. According to The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, around 28.9 million people ages 12 and older have been diagnosed with AUD.
When it comes to dating, AUD can be particularly challenging. It can lead to a cycle of unhealthy behaviors, broken promises, and emotional turmoil. It’s important to understand that alcoholism isn’t a moral failing but rather a disease that requires treatment.
Types of Alcohol Abuse
There are different types of alcoholism, which can make the condition sometimes difficult to spot. Some people may binge drink, consuming large amounts of alcohol in short periods. Maybe they don’t drink every day, but when they do drink, they go hard – drinking a lot at one time. The Centers for Disease Control defines binge drinking as 4 or more drinks in one sitting for women and 5 or more drinks in one sitting for men.
Others may become physically dependent on alcohol and need it to be able to function. If they don’t drink, they might experience withdrawal symptoms like headaches, irritability, nausea, vomiting, and even seizures. Then there are the high-functioning “alcoholics” who seem to be able to have successful careers and keep everything together despite being dependent on alcohol. Regardless of the specific form, all types of alcoholism indicate a struggle with AUD and can really impact relationships.
Signs You’re Dating an Alcoholic
It can be difficult to recognize the signs of alcoholism in a loved one, especially when it’s someone you care deeply about. We may not want to see it; we may brush off their behavior as “just being them,” or they might be good at hiding it. However, certain behaviors and patterns may indicate your partner is struggling with AUD.
Here are some signs you might be dating an alcoholic (or, more appropriately, someone with AUD):
- Secrecy About Drinking: If your partner often hides how much they drink or you find bottles stashed away, it might be a sign that they’re aware of the problem and trying to conceal it.
- Excessive Drinking Behavior: This could be they’re drinking more than they intended, more frequently, or under circumstances that are dangerous, like drinking and driving.
- Neglecting Responsibilities: If alcohol consumption starts affecting their performance at work, their commitments at home, or their ability to keep plans with you, it’s a sign that drinking is taking priority over daily responsibilities.
- Their Personality Starts Changing: Alcohol can significantly affect someone’s mood. Studies have shown that drinking can worsen common mental health conditions like depression and anxiety. Notice if your partner shows unusual irritability, moodiness, or unpredictability, especially when they haven’t had a drink.
- Physical Symptoms of Excessive Drinking: They might look unkempt and disheveled. Look for physical signs such as bloodshot eyes, poor hygiene, hand tremors, or a persistent smell of alcohol.
- Defensiveness About Drinking: A common sign is when your partner becomes defensive or combative if you mention their drinking habits.
- Social Withdrawal: They might start withdrawing from social activities or events they used to enjoy, especially if these occasions don’t involve opportunities to drink.
- Increased Tolerance to Alcohol: If it seems like your partner can consume more alcohol than they used to without appearing intoxicated, they may have developed a tolerance, which is a hallmark sign of progressing addiction.
- Withdrawal Symptoms: When they stop using or try cutting back on alcohol, they might experience withdrawal symptoms such as shaking, nausea, anxiety, or even depression, indicating physical dependence.
It’s important to remember that these are just some of the possible signs of alcoholism, and not everyone with AUD will exhibit all of them.
However, recognizing some of these signs is a step towards understanding the challenges your partner is facing with alcohol. It’s not about blaming them but about understanding the situation clearly so you can both seek the help needed.
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What You Can Do
It’s natural to want to help your partner, especially when they’re struggling. However, enabling behaviors can actually make things worse. Enabling involves covering up for your partner’s drinking, making excuses for their behavior, or rescuing them from the consequences of their actions.
To stop enabling and start supporting healthy behaviors, try these steps:
- Set boundaries: Communicate your expectations and what you’re willing to tolerate. For instance, decide not to drink alcohol with them.
- Avoid rescuing: Let your partner face the consequences of their actions. Refrain from covering for them if they miss a commitment due to drinking, even if it’s difficult to watch.
- Focus on yourself: Take care of your own needs and well-being.
- Seek professional help: Consider therapy or counseling for yourself to learn how to cope with your partner’s alcoholism.
- Peer Lead Support Groups: Groups like Al-Anon can help learn how to love a person in active addiction. Leaning on each other through each other’s experiences can help you know how to navigate these challenges.
Remember, you’re not responsible for your partner’s recovery but can provide support and encouragement. It’s also essential to take care of yourself. Joining a support group like Al-Anon can provide you with understanding, empathy, and practical advice from others going through similar experiences.
Supporting Your Partner’s Journey to Recovery
It’s challenging, but you want what’s best for your partner. If they’re ready to take the next step, there are ways you can help. First, do some research. Look into treatment options in your area, considering the type of program, its reputation, and the cost. Your partner’s doctor might also have some great suggestions.
When you talk to your partner, remember to be kind and supportive. Avoid giving them ultimatums or making threats. Instead, let them know you care and you’re there to help.
Sometimes, an intervention can be a helpful tool. This is when people who care about the person come together to express their concerns and encourage them to get help. It’s not a time to point fingers and place blame. You and your partner’s loved ones should express your thoughts, feelings, and concerns openly and honestly and use “I” statements so your partner doesn’t feel attacked. While interventions can be effective, they’re not a magic solution. They’re part of a bigger plan to support your partner’s recovery.
Recovery is a journey, and there might be bumps along the way. Be patient, be understanding, and most importantly, be there for them. With the right support, your partner can overcome addiction and live a healthier, happier life.
How Rehab Can Help
A rehab, or residential addiction treatment, is a program designed to help individuals overcome substance abuse. A rehab is a program where your loved one can live while they go through treatment. Rehabs involve a combination of therapies, counseling, and support groups.
Family therapy is an essential part of rehab programs. By addressing the dynamics of the family system, therapists can help the whole family work together to improve communication, sort out conflicts, and build a supportive environment that makes recovery possible.
Rehab doesn’t just focus on the individual; it’s about supporting the entire family and support system. Having everyone on board can give your partner a better chance at recovery. A rehab program like Footprints to Recovery offers your loved one a safe place to learn new ways to cope, tackle what’s really holding them back, and start fresh.
- https://www.cdc.gov/drinklessbeyourbest/excessivedrinking.html
- https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/alcohol-use-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20369243
- https://doi.org/10.1093/med/9780190226459.003.0093
- https://doi.org/10.1111/add.15735
- https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/brochures-and-fact-sheets/understanding-alcohol-use-disorder
- https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohols-effects-health/alcohol-topics/alcohol-facts-and-statistics/alcohol-use-disorder-aud-united-states-age-groups-and-demographic-characteristics
